


Three Simple Words

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Category: Smile For Me (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Childhood Sweethearts, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Canon, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, gay author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27162847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: Growing up is hard. Growing up gay is harder.
Relationships: Kamal Bora/Wallus Breadbear, Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Three Simple Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I would just like to say that this is the longest thing I have ever written,! I do want to make it clear though, that this story is very heavy. There's a lot of homophobia in it, including some slurs. I tried to be light with them because I know, first hand, how upsetting they can be. I realize that fics like this aren't for everyone, and I completely understand if you aren't interested anymore. I just want to put out there that I am gay, and that writing stuff like this was a serious help in coping for me, as well as just writing a story I really wanted to see. Proceed with caution, and don't be afraid to take breaks or completely stop reading. Your health comes first. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the happier parts and maybe find some comfort in the parts that are overcome.

Kamal and Wallus met on the first day of first grade.

Kamal hid behind his mom’s legs when she dropped him off at school, only peeking at the other children. He looked around the playground that everyone was playing on and felt his stomach go queasy. A lot of the children were bigger than him, and a lot of them were yelling as well. Lots of the boys were chasing their friends around, and the girls were sitting in the grass and playing with dolls or other toys. Kamal was a small, anxious boy who wanted nothing more than to play at home with his mom and help her around the house. But, unfortunately, he was being forced to go to school. 

“It’s alright, Kamal,” his mom said quietly. She began to run a hand through his hair. “I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends. Why don’t you go introduce yourself to some of the boys playing football? Or… uh… soccer.” 

Kamal looked over to the boys playing in the large field. It didn’t look like they were playing an actual game, more kicking the ball around. It made sense, there weren’t any goals in the field. He took a small step out from behind his mom’s legs, but one of the boys shoved another down when he didn’t pass the ball. Kamal hid even further behind his mom and whimpered. “I want to go home,” he said very quietly. He knew his mom was about to try and gently coax him out more, but someone else spoke before she could. 

“Having trouble too?” A tall woman approached Kamal and his mom from behind. Kamal looked up at her, and saw she was carrying a boy about his age. The boy was hiding his face in his mom’s neck, and Kamal thought he might be shaking slightly. “I’ve been having problems with Wallus all day,” the woman said.

Kamal’s mom sighed quietly, and Kamal was afraid she was upset, but she began to stroke his hair again, so it must have been okay. “Yes. Kamal’s a sweetheart, but he’s terribly shy.”

“Wallus is the same,” the woman said. Kamal watched as a small smile crossed her face, before she carefully sat the boy she was carrying down. He clung to her legs and still didn’t look at Kamal or his mom. “Wallus, can you at least say ‘hi’?”

Kamal looked at the boy. He was still shaking, and Kamal realized he was crying. Kamal glanced up at his mom, who smiled encouragingly. Kamal took a small step forward. “Hi,” he whispered.

The boy turned his head to look at him. He looked Kamal up and down, before turning around fully. “Hi,” he whispered back.

“I like your sweater,” Kamal mumbled.

The boy smiled. “I like your shoes,” he said quietly.

Kamal grinned. His dad had gotten him new chucks for his first year of school. He was rather proud of them. “Thank you!” He said. “My name is Kamal!”

The boy carefully stepped away from his mom and held out a hand. “My name’s Wallus,” he said.

Kamal reached out and shook Wallus’s hand. He’d seen his dad do it with the other guys at his work, so he knew what it was for. “It’s nice to meet you!” He said. “Do you wanna be friends?”

“Yeah!” Wallus said. “C’mon! My brother showed me a fun place to play!”

Kamal giggled as Wallus raced towards the swings, still not letting go of his hand. He turned and waved to his mom as they raced along, and she grinned and waved back. Kamal and Wallus played on the swings until teachers came out of the school building and began to usher the children inside. Kamal held Wallus’s hand tightly, and Wallus held tight as well. They got to sit next to each other in class, since it turned out both of their last names started with a B. They talked any chance they got to in class, but Kamal thought their teacher was a little scary, so he made sure not to talk out of turn. They colored together, and ate lunch together, and played together. 

Kamal was glad he had a friend.

* * *

“Wallus?” Wallus hummed, but didn’t look up from the book he was reading. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Now that they were in third grade, they’d both been asked that question a million times. Kamal always answered with the same thing; a doctor. He wanted to be able to help people get better. But Wallus never answered. Or, at least, he never answered the same way. Which wasn’t too unusual, but he always sounded disinterested whenever he was asked. Kamal had to admit that he was curious. He wanted to know what his best friend planned to do with his life.

“A fireman,” Wallus said, still not looking up from his book.

“Last week you said you wanted to be a carpenter!” Kamal said. “What do you really want to do?”

Wallus sighed and finally looked up from his copy of Charlotte's Web. “Why does it matter?” He asked. “We still have a long time to figure it out.”

“I guess…” Kamal said. He leaned back in his chair, so far that his head dangled over the back. He looked around his room, upside down, and thought about Wallus’s words. He was right, they did have a lot of time to figure it out. But it seemed that all the other kids at least had an idea. Kamal tried to think of what job might fit Wallus best. He liked to listen to music. He’d been asking his parents to let him start classes for piano, but they’d said it was too expensive. Still, he listened to any records his family had lying around. “Would you want to be a musician?” Kamal asked.

Wallus must have gone back to his book, because he had to look up from it to sigh at Kamal. “Why does this matter so much to you?” He asked.

Kamal paused. He wasn’t completely sure why, but he had an idea. “I just want to know where you’re going in the future,” he said. 

Kamal and Wallus stared at each other for a long moment, before Wallus smiled. “I’m going wherever you’re going, silly,” he said.

Kamal felt a funny thumping in his chest, but he decided to ignore it. Instead, he grinned at Wallus, and let him go back to his book. After all, Kamal was supposed to be doing homework.

* * *

Wallus had other friends.

Kamal was sort of a loner, aside from Wallus, of course. And Wallus spent most of his time with Kamal, really, so Kamal shouldn’t have been jealous when Wallus did decide to spend his time with his other friends. He still was. He’d watch them from across the cafeteria and try not to be bothered by it. He couldn’t help glaring some days, though. Wallus seemed to sense that Kamal didn’t really like his other friends, because he’d bring it up every now and then. Kamal always waved him off with a smile. He was genuinely happy that Wallus had other friends, he just… got jealous, for some reason. 

Halfway through fifth grade, though, Kamal started getting some more “friends” as well.

“What book were you reading again, Kamal?” One of the girls that had come to his table asked him. She leaned over the table and smiled at him. 

Kamal got the feeling that she didn’t really care, but he answered anyway. “A Wrinkle in Time.”

“Do you like it?” Another one of the girls asked.

“I don’t think so,” Kamal said. “I think it’s a little too weird. It’s interesting, sure, but I think it’s a little too interesting.” He shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

“That’s okay!” The first girl said. Kamal was pretty sure her name was Taylor, but he wasn’t positive. She began to talk excitedly about some television show she liked. Kamal tried to listen, but his eyes wandered to Wallus and his friends across the cafeteria. Wallus looked like he was laughing uncontrollably, and one of his friends was egging him on. Kamal began to fidget, feeling something in his heart seize up. He didn’t know what that feeling was, but he didn’t like it. “What about you?”

“Huh?” Kamal wouldn’t have responded to the verbal prompt, but it was accompanied by a hand resting on his arm. The girl, probably-Taylor, was looking at Kamal expectantly. “Oh… um…”

“She asked if there was any program you liked,” the girl sitting next to Kamal whispered to him.

“Oh! Yeah! Um, I like The Addams Family! And I watch soccer with my dad sometimes,” Kamal said. 

“I didn’t know you liked sports!” Probably-Taylor said. The other girls nodded, seemingly even more excited about talking to him now. “Are you any good?”

“Huh?” Kamal was looking at Wallus again. He’d stopped laughing, but he was still grinning. “Oh, uh… I don’t really… play anything…”

“Who do you keep looking at?” Probably-Taylor asked. She almost sounded accusatory.

“Nobody,” Kamal replied. He somehow thought it would be weird to say he was staring at Wallus.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” The girl next to him asked very quietly. She sounded crushed.

“What? No!” Kamal yelped. 

The girls around him giggled, and the girl next to him went bright red. “Oh,” she murmured. “Well… I hope you find one soon…”

“Um… thanks?” Kamal said. He didn’t know why she’d say that. 

The girls talked to each other for the rest of lunch, and Kamal sat in the middle of it all. He kept staring at Wallus, but he was now aware that he was being stared at in return. The girl sitting next to him seemed to be looking at him the whole time, and only offered small answers to the other girls. Kamal didn’t know why she was looking at him. He didn’t understand people a lot of the time.

Wallus got excited when he asked him. “She likes you!” He said. 

“Well, I thought she must,” Kamal said. “I mean, she sat beside me.” The two of them were walking home after school. They were going back to Kamal’s place, they always went to Kamal’s place on Fridays. 

“No, silly!” Wallus said. “She really likes you!”

Kamal processed his words for a moment, before he felt his face grow warm. “Why?” He squawked.

“Cuz you’re handsome!” Wallus said. Kamal felt his face grow even hotter and his heart do the thumping thing again. “You’re nice, Kamal. And you don’t talk a lot, so you won’t overwhelm her. Cindy’s a sweet girl, but she’s a little funny.” 

“What do you mean?” Kamal asked.

“I dunno… she’s just funny,” Wallus said. “She chews on the ends of her pencils, and she sometimes cries when things get really loud. She doesn’t really talk to a lot of people, just Taylor and Alice. And half the time she doesn’t say anything at all!”

“Oh…” Kamal murmured. He did some of that sometimes. His pencils were all missing their erasers from where he’d chewed them off, and he didn’t talk to a lot of people. He felt like crying when some of the boys were fighting in the cafeteria, but boys his age didn’t cry. “Well… what should I do about it? About her liking me, I mean.”

“You should ask her out!” Wallus said. He grabbed Kamal’s shoulder and shook it. 

Kamal smiled at the contact, but it was wobbly by the turning in his stomach. He told himself that it was nerves at the thought of asking a girl out for the first time. “How do I do that?”

“I don’t know…” Wallus said, suddenly much quieter. “I think you’re supposed to just ask her to go on a date with you.”

“I can’t do that,” Kamal moaned. “I’d trip over my words and end up running away!”

“Maybe you could write her a note!” Wallus said. “I can help you! You can give it to her on Monday!”

“Okay…” Kamal mumbled.

He and Wallus spent the whole afternoon writing a note to Cindy. Wallus did most of it, really. He told Kamal what to write down, and Kamal wrote it. He wrote about how her hair looked silky and about how her eyes sparkled. He didn’t really think either of those things were true, but Wallus said he should write them, so he did. Wallus said he shouldn’t write about love, not yet, and Kamal was grateful for that. So he just wrote what he liked about her. When Wallus left after dinner, Kamal read the note again. He remembered the way Wallus said all the words, and it made his heart do the thumping thing. Then, it did a funny fluttering thing. He decided he should ask someone about it, so he carefully stepped out of his room and went to the kitchen. “Mom?” He asked as he stepped inside. 

His mom was still cleaning up the mess from dinner, but she turned to him with a big smile. “Yes, sweetheart?” 

“Um… I think I might be sick,” he said. He wasn’t sure how else to describe it.

“Why do you say that? Does anything hurt?” His mom asked.

“Um… no. But… but my heart is acting funny,” Kamal answered. “It beats extra hard sometimes. And… and it just did a weird fluttering thing. And, and my face has been getting all warm sometimes! I think I’m really sick!” His breathing was a little heavier than normal, but it calmed down when his mom approached him to stroke his hair like she used to when he was little. He let her, just this once.

“I don’t think you’re sick, sweetheart,” she said. “I think you must be in love.”

Kamal felt like he was going to throw up. “Love?” He asked. “But… but Wallus said it wasn’t love! He said I just really liked Cindy!”

His mom chuckled. “He might be right,” she said. “What matters, though, is that your heart is acting that way because you feel strongly about Cindy. And you should tell her that you feel that way! I’m sure she’d love to hear!”

“Wallus helped me write a note to her,” Kamal said.

“What did you two write?” His mom asked. She went back to the sink to continue washing dishes, while Kamal sat at the table.

“Well… Wallus told me to write about how pretty she was, so I did,” he said. “And he told me I should write about how she’s smart, because she is. And that I should write about her hair and her eyes.”

“Did you only write what Wallus said to write?” His mom asked.

“I mean… yeah?” Kamal said. “He knows more about romance than me.”

“What makes you say that?” His mom asked. Kamal fell silent. Why did he think that? Wallus had never talked about having any crushes, or about having any girlfriends. He liked to read romance books though, and Kamal didn’t like those. When he shared that with his mom, she laughed. “Romance isn’t actually like those books,” she told him. “Why don’t you go get a fresh piece of paper so you can write a genuine note? I can help you, if you’d like.”

Kamal spent the rest of the evening rewriting the note that Wallus had helped him write that afternoon. His mom and dad tried to help, but he gently asked if they’d leave him alone. They did, and he wrote what he felt like writing, not what Wallus said to write, or what his parents suggested.

_“Dear Cindy,_

_My friend thinks that you like me. I think that you like me. I think I like you too. I like that you’re quiet, and I like that you like to read. I know that people think you’re ‘funny’ because you chew on your pencils and because you cry for no reason sometimes. I don’t mind. I chew on my pencils too. And I want to keep you safe from whatever makes you cry, because I don’t like it when you cry. I don’t know a lot about dates, but if you ever wanted to go on one, I think that it would be pretty fun._

_Sincerely,  
Kamal”_

He was proud of himself for spelling sincerely right on the first try, and he let that courage carry him over to Monday. He gave the note to Cindy, and he couldn’t look at her when he did, he was too embarrassed. He glanced at her while she was reading, and watched as she turned bright red. She folded the note up again and pressed it to her heart. She looked like she was about to cry, and Kamal was going to apologize when she grinned at him. “I’d like that,” she whispered. She kissed his cheek, before running away. Kamal stood, dumbstruck, in the hallway. 

He had a girlfriend now, apparently.

When he got home that Monday, after lots of congratulations from Wallus and all of his friends, he wished he had kept the note that Wallus had told him to write. Whenever he thought about those words, his heart would start thumping again. When he thought about Wallus saying them, his heart did the fluttering thing. 

He buried his face in his pillow because it was getting all hot again. He just hoped he could make Cindy feel like this, because he thought it was the best feeling in the world.

* * *

Neither Kamal nor Cindy knew a lot about dating, so they just did what they thought it was. They would sit with each other at lunch, and hold hands in the hallway, and, sometimes, Cindy would come over to Kamal’s apartment. His parents liked her, even though she didn’t say much of anything while she was there. In fact, she didn’t say much of anything any time she was with Kamal. They mostly sat together and read their seperate books. She would always smile though, and Kamal smiled too. He liked reading with her, and spending time with her, but his heart didn’t do the thumping thing anymore.

Not around her, at least.

Sometimes, Kamal’s heart would still thump, and even flutter. It happened whenever Wallus would throw his arm around Kamal’s shoulders, or would grin at him in a certain way, or would call him his best friend. The last one made his heart ache too. He didn’t understand why. He didn’t understand any of it. His mom had said it was love, but he couldn’t love Wallus. He couldn’t.

Which was why he was so concerned that, for his first real date, Wallus was going to be there.

“Taylor’s really excited about it!” Wallus said, bouncing on his toes. Taylor and Wallus had started dating about a month ago, and they were already better at it than Kamal and Cindy. They kissed in the hallways, and Wallus would make Taylor giggle, and he’d sit with his arm around her waist. All Kamal and Cindy had done was hold hands, even though it had been almost six months. “You guys will come, won’t you?”

“What movie were you guys gonna see again?” Kamal asked.

“The Odd Couple,” Wallus replied. “It’s apparently based on a play, which… that’s pretty cool…” Wallus got considerably more quiet as he spoke. Kamal looked at him, waiting for an explanation, but he didn’t give one. “I think Taylor already asked Cindy, I know the two of them are close.”

“I’ll have to ask her after school today,” Kamal mumbled. 

Cindy lit up when he asked. “Yes!” She said, jumping up and down gently. She did this when she got really excited, and Kamal thought it was cute. “Taylor mentioned it, but I wasn’t sure if you would want to…”

“It sounds like it could be fun,” Kamal said. “And if you want to, I’ll gladly do it.” He smiled at her gently, and she blushed and hid her face.

“I’d really like to,” she murmured.

The upcoming double date was all any of them talked about for the next week. Kamal saw Cindy open up more than she ever had, and he was suddenly worried that he hadn’t been treating her well enough. Still, she was excited now, and he could try and do stuff like this again. He didn’t like seeing her sad, and he liked seeing her happy. But she didn’t make his heart thump. 

He dressed up nice that Friday night. Not overly nice, it was just a movie theater after all, but he wanted to look nice for his first date. He combed his hair and everything! His mom cooed about how grown up he looked, and his dad grinned at him and wished him luck. He made his way out onto the street outside his apartment. Wallus had said that his older brother was going to drive them all there. He was going to go see some horror movie with his friends, and then he’d take them all home again. He jumped slightly when Wallus’s family’s car pulled up and immediately honked the horn. He clambered into the backseat quickly and realized that he was going to get stuck in the middle. Wallus was up front, so Kamal was going to be stuck between two girls.

“Sorry about the horn,” Wallus said, turning to the backseat. “Andy was just being a jerk.”

“You should’ve seen the way you jumped, kid!” Wallus’s brother said through laughter. Kamal had never liked Andy, but he didn’t say so out loud. Andy could probably beat him up, and probably wouldn’t hesitate to either. He shoved Wallus around a lot, which only made Kamal like him less.

“He did the same to me,” Taylor said. Kamal turned to look at her, and almost jumped again at what she was wearing. He hadn’t expected her to come in bell bottoms, she usually wore pretty dresses. He must have been staring, because she snapped her fingers in his face. “C’mon, you don’t have to stare,” she said.

“Sorry!” Kamal yelped.

“Careful, ‘Mal, I might start thinking you’re after my girl!” The three others in the car laughed, but Kamal couldn’t focus. His heart was thumping loud at the nickname. Wallus had never called him that before. He decided he liked it.

They pulled into the richer side of town to pick up Cindy. She rushed out of her house and over to the car quickly. Andy almost laid on the horn, but Wallus grabbed his arm tightly. He rolled his eyes, but didn’t go for the hron again. “I’m sorry if I made us late!” Cindy said. “I didn’t expect my parents to ask so many questions!”

“Cindy, we only just got here,” Kamal said, trying to be soothing.

It must have worked, because she smiled shyly. “Well… still…” she murmured. The three other people in the car got rancorous again as they continued driving, but Kamal and Cindy were quiet. Kamal was just taking her appearance in. She had curled her hair, and worn a dress he hadn’t seen her in before. It was a pretty lilac color, and it hugged her waist a little tighter than most dresses she wore. It looked like she was even wearing makeup. He’d never seen her do that before. “You look really nice, by the way,” she whispered to him.

“You do too,” he said quietly. He took her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed back tightly. She looked like she was getting a little overwhelmed, so he, very gently, moved her head so it was resting against his shoulder. Her face turned bright red, but she was smiling again, so it must have been okay. Wallus grinned at them when he turned around again, and he winked at Kamal. Kamal’s face grew warm, and he was sure that Cindy could hear his heart thumping.

They all piled out of the car when they got to the theater. Cindy helped Kamal out, and she grinned when he didn’t let go of her hand. Andy led the way to the theater, but he quickly abandoned the four of them for his friends. Wallus and Kamal looked at each other. “You do concessions and I’ll pay for tickets?” Kamal said.

“Sounds good!” Wallus said with a grin. Kamal’s heart thumped.

“I’m paying for my own ticket,” Taylor said. The other three kids looked at her oddly, but she huffed and rolled her eyes. “I’m not gonna be pulled around by some guy, even if he’s my boyfriend.”

Kamal looked at her for a moment, before smiling. “Works for me,” he said. “I’ll have some money left over.” 

Taylor grinned back, seemingly surprised. Wallus smiled too and kissed her cheek. “That’s my girl!” He said. Taylor giggled and shoved him gently.

Kamal and Taylor paid for the tickets, before all four of them went over to get concessions. Cindy took Kamal’s hand and squeezed it tightly, so he looked at her oddly. “I don’t think I can order,” she whispered.

“Why not?” Kamal asked gently. “Wallus offered to pay, he really won’t mind. I can pay too, if you want.”

“No, I mean…” Cindy huffed, and puffed her cheeks out. Kamal thought it was cute, but she seemed frustrated, so he didn’t say anything. “I don’t think I can talk to the guy at the counter.”

Kamal thought that over for a moment. He understood. Sometimes he felt like his mouth was glued shut, and it happened a lot around people he didn’t know asking him questions. “I’ll do it for you, just tell me what you want.” 

Cindy smiled and squeezed his hand tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Wallus and Kamal ended up having to pool their money, and Taylor looked a bit smug about it. She teased Wallus about how he’d be useless without her, and he laughed. But Kamal noticed that something looked different about the way he did. He looked almost… sad. Kamal didn’t want to ask in front of the girls though, so he tucked it in the back of his mind. They all settled into their seats, Kamal and Wallus beside each other and their respective girlfriends on their other sides. The four of them joked around and laughed until the theater went dark. Kamal hadn’t been to the movies very often as a child, so he was excited, even if he didn’t know anything about the movie. It had a dark beginning, that was for sure. Kamal was scared that the guy was actually going to kill himself, but had to remind himself that it was just an actor.

Then he felt someone grip his hand tightly. He was ready to turn to Cindy and comfort her when he realized it was his right hand being squeezed.

Wallus was holding onto his hand in a death grip.

Kamal squeezed back gently. He didn’t know if Wallus had just lost track of who was on which side, but he wasn’t sure how he could’ve. Kamal held Wallus’s hand though, and he was sure that the whole theater could hear his heart thumping. Wallus let go after a while, and Kamal tried to get his heart to calm down. Cindy holding his hand after a while helped. He squeezed it gently, and she squeezed back. The rest of the movie passed with little issue. Well… mostly…

Kamal couldn’t help thinking about the way the two main characters interacted. He understood that the fact they were so much like a couple was the main joke of the movie, but… it made his chest tingle and his mind reel. He didn’t understand why. He really didn’t, and it frustrated him.

“That was a weird movie,” Taylor said as they exited the theater. Wallus hummed in response. They all looked at him, and Kamal noticed that he didn’t look so good. He was sure Taylor noticed as well, because she put her arm around Wallus’s shoulders and whispered to him. He nodded to something she said, and she turned back to Kamal and Cindy. “We’re gonna go look for Andy,” she said. “You guys can wait outside.”

Kamal felt anger bubbling in his stomach, but he nodded anyway. It was supposed to be his job to make Wallus smile when he felt sad! He was his best friend! He tried not to fume as he and Cindy stepped out of the theater. He took a few deep breaths, before turning back to her. “Did you like the movie?” He asked.

Cindy was quiet for a moment, but that wasn’t too unusual. When she spoke though, Kamal felt like all the wind had been knocked out of his lungs. “No,” she said. “It promoted homosexuality. That’s disgusting.”

Kamal felt like he was going to cry. He didn’t know why. It shouldn’t have hurt like it did. “Oh,” he said simply. He didn’t say anything else, and Cindy didn’t either. They stayed silent until Andy and his friends came out of the theater, all of them laughing loudly. Cindy flinched at the sound, but Kamal didn’t offer his hand. He wasn’t sure why.

“Hey, where are the other two squirts?” Andy asked when he approached them.

“Taylor said she was going to go looking for you guys,” Kamal said.

Before Andy could say anything, Wallus and Taylor rushed out to meet them all. “Sorry, guys!” Wallus said. “We both had to use the bathroom.”

“Not together, I hope,” Andy said with a snicker. Taylor punched him in the arm. He huffed and rolled his eyes, but none of them had missed how he had winced. “Whatever. So… there’s a problem.”

“What’s up?” Wallus asked.

“One of my buddies needs a ride home,” Andy said. “So there’s gonna be some squeezing.”

“Make the little ones stack,” Andy’s friend said, gesturing to Kamal and Cindy. They both blushed hard and began to stammer. Kamal wasn’t sure if he could handle having Cindy sitting in his lap.

“No way,” Wallus and Taylor said at the same time. “I’ll sit in Wallus’s lap,” Taylor said. “I’m the one wearing pants, after all.”

Andy shrugged. “Suit yourselves,” he said.

The six of them piled into the car, and Kamal was smooshed in the middle again. The four of them in the back were quiet for a moment, before Cindy spoke up. “Can we go to my house first?” She asked quietly. “My dad wanted me home by ten.”

“Sure thing, blondie,” Andy said. Kamal felt himself getting mad again, but he didn’t understand why. He didn’t say anything though, and after a little while, they pulled up in front of Cindy’s house again. She got out of the car, and Taylor nudged Kamal harshly. He looked at her, confused, and she jerked her head towards the still open door.

He slid out of the car, a little confused, but realized what he was supposed to do when Cindy turned to him. “Um… I had a lot of fun tonight,” he said.

Cindy smiled. “I did too,” she whispered. “Even if the movie was gross, being with you was worth it.” She took Kamal’s hands gently, and he resisted the urge to pull his hands away. “We should do something like this again. Maybe… maybe without the loud friends.” She chuckled quietly, and Kamal smiled. It was nice to see her making jokes like that.

“Yeah… I’d like that,” he said. He wasn’t sure if he meant it. Still, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. He missed just slightly and kissed the side of her mouth. She went bright red, but grinned at him. “Um… I’ll see you at school on Monday?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Bye, Kamal.” She squeezed his hands gently, before turning and racing up the steps to her porch. She waved at the door, still grinning widely, before slipping inside. 

Kamal stared at where she had been, until Wallus called, “C’mon, ‘Mal! You’re keeping us waiting!”

“Sorry!” Kamal yelped. He quickly scrambled back into the car. He found Taylor sitting in the middle now, so he settled into the normal car suit. It felt good after being shoved in the middle all evening. 

“So… how was your first kiss?” Taylor asked teasingly.

Kamal’s face got warm. “Oh… um… we didn’t really kiss… I just kinda missed her cheek a little…”

Taylor chuckled. “Whatever you wanna call it,” she said. Wallus laughed beside her, and it made Kamal happy. And sad. And frustrated.

He hated kissing Cindy. He decided that, for sure, at that moment. He had felt disgusting doing it. It wasn’t at all like how books described kissing. He remembered his mom saying that romance wasn’t exactly like the books though, so he thought that must have been what she meant. But… that wasn’t right either. Taylor and Wallus always looked like they were having fun when they kissed, and his parents always looked so happy. He didn’t think that they felt disgusted by it, unless they were really good at acting. He stared out the window and wondered if there was anything wrong with him.

After driving for another while, they stopped at Taylor’s apartment building. Wallus didn’t get out of the car to say goodbye, he just kissed her when she was out of the car and said a quick goodbye. When she’d left, Andy and his friend began to really talk. They laughed and swore, and Andy’s friend even lit a cigarette. He rolled his window down slightly, but he didn’t stop smoking. Kamal glanced at Wallus through the slight smoke in the air, and saw that he was looking out the window too. Kamal gently lay his hand on top of Wallus’s. Wallus turned to look at him, and gave him a small, sad smile. Kamal smiled back as best as he could.

They held hands until they stopped at Kamal’s apartment and he left.

* * *

The rest of the school year passed quickly. The four of them continued to spend time together, both on double dates and just as they were. Kamal still hadn’t kissed Cindy, not really. He made himself kiss her cheek, even if he didn’t like to. He felt like she deserved it, she was his girlfriend after all. He could tell she was beginning to get frustrated with it, but he just couldn’t bring himself to kiss her. It didn’t feel right.

It didn’t help that he’d started having dreams. 

He didn’t remember them, not fully. But he’d wake up, sweating and red in the face, remembering pieces of a dream. Being kissed in a way he liked. Not by Cindy. By someone else. Someone who had larger, rougher hands, whose lips were chapped and slightly rough, who wrapped Kamal in his arms instead of expecting to be held. They made Kamal’s head spin. He wasn’t sure what to make of them, or what to do with them. So he ignored them. And he continued to ignore the thumping of his heart whenever Wallus touched him.

Oddly enough, Kamal had one of those dreams the night before he and Cindy’s last date.

They’d gone to the movies again. Cindy always made sure to read the summaries of the movies in the paper before seeing them now, but that was okay by Kamal. He thought her choices were a little boring, but he didn’t mind them overall. Today was a little different though. They’d gone in the late afternoon instead of the early evening, because Cindy’s father had invited Kamal to dinner with their family. He was anxious, but he tried to ignore it. He just had to be polite and affectionate to Cindy, that was all. He could do that for a few hours.

Right now, though, the two of them were walking along the path in a small park a little ways away from the theater. “This is really pretty, isn’t it?” Cindy asked.

“Yeah,” Kamal agreed. They were linked at the arm, and he felt like his skin was burning. “Do you think your dad is going to like me?”

“I don’t know…” Cindy replied. “I think… I don’t think he’ll hate you. And from my dad, that’s pretty good.” She chuckled, and squeezed Kamal’s arm with her own. “Don’t be so nervous! It won’t go wrong, I promise.” Kamal nodded, but he didn’t say anything. The two of them passed under a grove of trees, and Kamal realized that they were blooming. Cindy looked up, seemingly entranced by them. She looked back at Kamal, and he felt like his stomach was going to drop out of his body. “Romantic, isn’t it?” Cindy whispered. Kamal made some sort of affirmative noise. She was leaning closer… Kamal wanted to lean away, but that would be mean. She was his girlfriend! He was supposed to kiss her!

When her lips touched his, he felt like he was going to be sick.

He lingered for a moment, before jumping away. He let go of Cindy entirely, and she looked at him, completely heartbroken. Neither one of them said anything for a long moment, before Kamal, panicking, yelled, “I have to go!” before racing off.

Cindy didn’t call after him, and he was gone before he could hear her crying. He raced as fast as he could towards the nearest bus stop. He had a few dollars left over from the movies, he could pay for fair back to his house. He hopped on the right bus and went to sit on one of the free seats. He began to cry quietly. Some of the people on the bus looked at him oddly, but they didn’t seem too concerned. He cried until they reached his stop, and he cried while he raced up the stairs to his apartment, and he cried as he raced into his room and slammed the door shut. He flopped onto his bed and cried into this pillow. He heard his mom talking through the door, asking questions and trying to sooth, but he just kept sobbing.

He didn't know how long it was that he cried, but next thing he knew, he was dreaming.

Someone was kissing him. One of their hands was resting against his cheek, and the other was wrapped around his waist. They squeezed him gently and lifted him slightly so he could reach them easier. Kamal kissed back, he was tired of pretending he didn’t want to. He kissed back and wrapped his arms around the person’s neck. They lifted him more, and he leaned against them to support himself. He moved away after a moment, and looked up at who had been kissing him.

Wallus smiled down at him. 

“Your eyes are so bright,” he whispered. He stroked his thumb along Kamal’s cheek bone. “Your hair looks so silky… can I touch it, sweetheart?” Kamal could only nod. Wallus began to run his fingers through Kamal’s hair, before cupping the back of his head and pulling him into another kiss. Kamal wrapped his arms tighter around Wallus’s neck, when-

“Kamal? Dear?”

Kamal’s eyes snapped open. His mom had been shaking his shoulder slightly. She smiled gently at him and gave him room to sit up. He noticed it was dark outside, and he realized that he didn’t know how long he’d been asleep. He tried not to let on to his mom that he’d been dreaming about kissing his best friend. “What’s going on, Mom?” He asked. “If it’s Cindy, then… then I don’t want to talk to her.”

“I’d make you if it was her,” his mom said, “but it isn’t. It’s just Wallus.”

Kamal nodded and followed his mom to the front door. He was trying so, so hard to not think about kissing Wallus. He was also trying not to think about the fact that Wallus and Cindy were friends, and that he was probably going to get yelled at. He hid behind his mom when they reached the open door, but his mom gently shoved him towards the door. “H-hey, Wallus,” he said.

Wallus just nodded. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and he looked upset. “Grab your coat, we’re going out,” he said.

Kamal turned to look at his mom, confused. She just nodded. Kamal grabbed his coat from beside the door, and followed Wallus out of the building. Neither of them said anything as they walked through the streets. Eventually, Wallus stopped in a parking lot. It looked abandoned, or at least empty for the night. He sat on one of the parking stops, and looked up at Kamal. He, cautiously, sat next to Wallus. He expected the yelling to start, but Wallus just pulled something out of one of his pockets. It was a pack of cigarettes. “How’d you get that?” Kamal asked.

“Andy,” Wallus replied. He took one of the cigarettes out of the pack and then a lighter from his other pocket. He lit the cigarette, and tried to puff it, but just ended up coughing violently. Kamal jumped and went to pat his back, before remembering that it wouldn’t help, and just be annoying. After a moment, Wallus stopped coughing, and laughed instead. “Guess these were a bust, then,” he said.

“Maybe when we’re older,” Kamal said.

Wallus nodded. “God, we’re only twelve, aren’t we?” He said. “Feels like we’re so much older…”

“Yeah…” Kamal mumbled. They sat in silence for a moment, before Kamal spoke again. “So… this is about Cindy, right?”

“Kinda, yeah,” Wallus said. “She called Taylor as soon as she got back home, and I was over, so I heard it all. She’s pretty upset.” Kamal hummed, and didn’t look at Wallus. “Why’d you run away?”

Kamal stared at the concrete. “I don’t know,” he said.

Wallus bumped his arm. “Don’t give me that, ‘Mal. You ran off for a reason. The least you could do is tell me why.”

Kamal bit his lip. “You’d hate me,” he whispered.

“Kamal…” Wallus sighed. “I don’t think I could ever hate you.” Kamal looked up at Wallus, and saw that his head was thrown back, looking at the sky. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, before Wallus piped up again. “You know they call these things fags in England?” He said, holding up the cigarette box. Kamal shook his head. Wallus looked at him again, and Kamal felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest. He could hear it in his ears, almost so loud that he couldn’t hear Wallus speak next. “Guess it makes sense that I’m the one holding them.” He chuckled humorlessly. “I bet you don’t wanna hear about that though.”

“I do,” Kamal whispered.

Wallus stared at him for a moment, before looking down at the concrete. “It’s a pretty sad story, ‘Mal,” he said. “You sure?”

“More than anything,” Kamal whispered.

Wallus smiled, but he still didn’t look up. ”I knew I was a fag the day I turned nine. You were at my birthday party. Of course you were, you’re my best friend. You just… you looked so happy. And I knew that I’d do anything, absolutely anything, to make you smile like that every day. When you told me that Cindy liked you, I… I felt totally heartbroken. But all I wanted was for you to be happy, so I thought I’d help.” Wallus sighed heavily. “All the things I told you to write were really things I felt about you.”

“But… but what about…”

Wallus cut Kamal off before he could finish his question. “Taylor? She knows. She’s the same.” Wallus chuckled at Kamal’s bewildered expression. “She loves Cindy the same way I love you. We just pretended to be dating so… so we could spy on you two. It was her idea, so don’t go blaming me for it.” He chuckled, still humorless. “It was all okay for a while. I mean… it hurt like hell, but it was okay because you two were happy. And then… and then we went and saw that movie. You remember the one, right? With the two guys living together? Based on that play?” Kamal nodded. “Yeah… it got real bad after that. The guy tries to kill himself at the beginning, remember?”

“Yeah,” Kamal said quietly. “You held my hand so tight I thought my fingers were going to pop off.”

“Yeah…” Wallus wiped at his eyes, and Kamal realized he was crying. “I went home and I tried it. Not… not the way he did. With a knife, from the kitchen. Andy caught me. He’s a real asshole, but he said he wasn’t about to let me die.” Wallus sniffed and wiped at his eyes again. “It hurts, Kamal. It hurts so bad. It hurts to be in love and know that the other person will never love you back. It hurts to feel like you’re broken just because of who you’re in love with. It hurts to know that people will never really accept you, because you’re too fucked up for anything to be right in your life.” He sobbed quietly. “And… and it hurts most of all, because… because now my hopes are up. You ran away from Cindy when she tried to kiss you. Feels like you must have done that cuz you hated it. And… I feel so selfish, but I wish that reason was because you never wanted to touch a girl again. 

“I wish that reason was because you wanted to touch me instead.”

Wallus broke down into quiet sobs, and Kamal could only stare at him. He felt like he was going to be sick. He felt like he wanted to smash Wallus’s head in, not because he was gay, or because he loved him, but because he was being so stupid. Because… because Kamal loved him too. The thumping of his heart came to a head and he felt like he was going to pass out because of how much his blood was moving. He decided he had to do something before he passed out.

So, he kissed Wallus.

It was sort of gross. Not because he was a guy, or because he was Wallus, but because he’d been crying so much. Kamal couldn’t imagine he was good at it either, but after a moment, Wallus was kissing back so he must not have been too bad. Wallus guided his arms to wrap around his neck, and then rest his hands on Kamal’s waist. From the way they were sitting, it was awkward and slightly uncomfortable, but Kamal didn’t care. Wallus moved away after a moment, but Kamal chased him. Wallus didn’t resist, just squeezed Kamal’s waist gently. When Kamal moved away, Wallus pressed a quiet peck to his lips, before letting him pull away. Neither of them let go of the other.

So many thoughts were racing through Kamal’s head. He didn’t know what to say, or if he should say anything. Wallus looked just as confused. They sat there for a moment, before Kamal just leaned his head against Wallus’s shoulder. “You’re right,” he finally said, “I feel so much older than twelve.” Wallus chuckled and began to stroke Kamal’s hair. 

The packet of cigarettes was sitting just out of reach, forgotten.

* * *

Taylor and Cindy didn’t talk to Kamal and Wallus anymore. Kamal was pretty sure that Taylor knew what really happened, but he understood why she didn’t want to talk to the two of them. She had always been closest to Cindy after all, and the poor girl was clearly heartbroken. It made Kamal sad, he’d never meant to hurt her. He really did like her, he just didn’t really like her.

Whenever he’d feel especially guilty, though, Wallus would take his hand and squeeze it, and he would feel better right away.

Wallus started coming over on Fridays again, and Kamal couldn’t be happier about it. The first few weeks, they would do what they used to do, read and talk and help each other with homework. But, as the weeks went on, they started to get even closer. Wallus would wrap his arms around Kamal’s shoulders when he stood behind his chair, or around his waist when they sat on the floor.

On that particular Friday, neither of them had homework. Kamal felt a little bit courageous, so he sat on his bed and patted the spot next to him without saying anything. Wallus blushed, but he sat beside Kamal. “It’s, uh… it’s comfier than the floor…” Kamal said.

“Yeah… it is…” Walus murmured. He carefully took Kamal’s hand and rubbed his thumb along his knuckles. Kamal shivered. “Uh… I’ve been thinking…”

“Yeah?” Kamal said, urging him to continue.

“I know I can’t really call you this at school, or… or anything, but… would you want to be my boyfriend?” Wallus asked quietly.

Kamal smiled, and felt his heart start thumping again. “I’d really like that,” he whispered. He leaned up to kiss Wallus’s cheek, and Wallus smiled at him.

“Awesome,” he said quietly.

The two of them looked at each other for a long moment, before Wallus leaned in gently and kissed Kamal. Kamal kissed back as best as he could. They still hadn’t kissed since the night in the parking lot, so Kamal wasn’t sure if he was good at it. Wallus didn’t seem to mind though, he just squeezed Kamal’s hand. He pulled back after a moment, but he was still smiling at Kamal. “You don’t have to be so freaked out, y’know,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Kamal asked.

“You get all stiff,” Wallus said. “You can touch me. It’s okay.”

Kamal swallowed and nodded. He leaned in first that time, and moved his hands so they were holding Wallus’s face. He’d seen that in one of the shows his mom liked to watch. Wallus must have liked it because he hummed quietly, and it felt weird, but good, on Kamal’s lips. Wallus gently rested his hands on Kamal's shoulders and squeezed them. It felt good. Kamal moved away a moment after that, though, suddenly too embarrassed. “Was that better?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Wallus whispered. “And we can practice as often as you want.” He winked at Kamal, and Kamal chuckled.

So, for about a month, Wallus would come over to Kamal’s house on Fridays and they’d kiss for a little while. One or both of them would end up being shy after a while, so they would just hold each other and talk about anything that came to mind. Occasionally, they’d talk about Taylor and Cindy, but Kamal would always feel too guilty after a while, so they’d stop. Wallus would kiss his cheek then, and tell him that it was okay. Broken hearts healed, he claimed. Kamal trusted him. After that month, the two of them started going on dates. They couldn’t tell anyone else that they were dates, but they were. They would go to the movies, even if all they could see were action movies. Kamal liked those because he was able to hold Wallus’s hand in the dark theater. Sometimes they would go to a park, and they’d run around and tackle each other and pretend to fight, when they were really looking for any excuse to touch each other in public. Sometimes, Wallus would even stay over at Kamal’s house until late at night. They’d watch sports with Kamal’s dad, and they’d talk to Kamal’s mom about school and girls. Kamal didn’t like having to lie about girls, but liked Wallus being over, so they’d make stuff up. His mom seemed content with their lies, so it was fine.

The two of them finished the next two years of school going on dates and kissing and holding hands under their classmates’ noses. When they were fourteen, though, things took a turn for the worse.

They walked to school on the first day of freshman year, both of them talking excitedly about starting high school. Andy had told Wallus that it was a lot better than grade school, and Kamal hoped he was right. Grade school was alright, but there wasn’t a whole lot of free time or things to do that weren’t classes. Apparently, you were allowed to choose some of your classes in high school, and there were clubs and other things. Kamal was excited, very excited. 

Wallus held the door open for him, and bowed slightly, grinning mischievously. Kamal laughed, trying to pretend it was a joke, but it really made him feel warm in his chest. When he stepped inside the school, things became worse. It seemed everyone was staring at him. He shuffled awkwardly down the hall, and he heard Wallus following behind him. Everyone kept staring at them. Kamal felt like ducking his head and hiding his face, because he was sure he was going to cry. Still, he held his head high and walked with Wallus to the library. People parted in the hallways for them, all of them stepping away so they wouldn’t get anywhere near them. When Kamal reached to open the library doors, a kid inside shoved it outwards and directly into his face. He yelped as he hit the ground, and reached up to feel at his nose.

“Hey!” Wallus yelled. “What was that for?” He knelt down and helped Kamal to his feet. Kamal’s knees were wobbling, and he had to lean against Wallus, especially when he realized that his nose was bleeding.

“Your brother told me you’re a fag,” the boy sneered as he stepped through the door. 

Wallus stiffened slightly, but he recovered quickly. “Everyone knows my brother is an asshole,” he said. “He’s lied about stuff before. I’m not a freak.”

“What about him?” the boy asked, gesturing towards Kamal. “Everyone knows that he ran away from that girl when she kissed him. Sounds like a fag to me.”

Kamal scrambled for an excuse, stuttering over fragments of words as he did. He could feel everyone in the hallway’s eyes on him, and he knew that the longer he stuttered or stalled the more suspicious he’d look. Wallus seemed at a loss for words too. Kamal stepped away from Wallus, and looked back and forth between him and the other boy. “I… I…” 

He turned and ran.

Kamal hid in a bathroom stall for the rest of the day. He stuffed toilet paper up his nose and examined it in the mirror during classes when no one was in the bathroom. It didn’t look broken, it was just bleeding. He sat on the toilet and cried until he heard a lot of voices in the hallway several hours later. He figured that the school day must be over, so he cautiously stepped out of the bathroom when the voices were gone. He slipped out into the hallway, but a voice stopped him in his tracks.

“I’m sorry about your nose…” Kamal turned around quickly, and, about three feet away, saw Cindy. She looked different than the last time he saw her. She seemed to have abandoned the short skirts and dresses from grade school, and stood tall and proud in a long tie dye dress. The ends were fringed and everything. She looked down at herself when Kamal stared for a little too long, but she didn’t seem embarrassed. “Taylor and I spent pretty much the whole summer together,” she said. “She rubbed off on me a lot.” She looked like she wanted to laugh, but she seemed to realize this wasn’t the moment. “Wallus is looking for you. He’s been looking all day.”

“Yeah…” Kamal murmured. “I figured.”

“He’s waiting for you out back. I can go with you, if you want,” Cindy said.

“Why?” Kamal asked. He was too tired to be angry, but he felt like he should be. “I thought you hated fags too.”

Cindy flinched like she’d been hit, but she nodded sadly. “I thought I did too,” she said. “But, uh… you grow up with traditional parents and they’re bound to rub off on you a little.” She took a deep breath. “Taylor really opened my eyes this past summer. In… in a couple ways…” She scuffed her toes against the floor. “So… yeah…”

“Oh,” Kamal said. He wasn’t sure if he was able to say more. “Um… we should go find them, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Cindy said. She offered her hand, but Kamal shook his head. She smiled gently at him and nodded. Instead of taking his hand, or his arm, or anything else, she just walked ahead of him. He followed her through the hallways, ignoring the few remaining people. The most they did was shoot him a nasty glare, so he tried to ignore it. Cindy stalled in front of the back door, before looking behind her at Kamal. “Are… are you going to be okay?” She asked.

“I… I don’t know,” Kamal replied. “C’mon, let’s go see them.” 

He barely got out of the door before Wallus was hugging him tight and lifting him off the ground to kiss all over his face. “Kamal, oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry I let that happen, this is all my fault, I’m so sorry!”

“Wallus, I’m okay!” Kamal said. He wrapped his arms around Wallus’s neck, and played with his hair. “Wallus, I’m fine, really.”

Wallus pressed his face into Kamal’s chest and began to shake. Kamal squeezed him gently and kissed the top of his head. “This is all my fault,” he choked out between tears. “Andy found my journal. I wrote about you in it, I wrote about us. He found it and he read it, and… he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone, but of course he did, he’s such an asshole. This is all my fault, I’m so sorry.” He dissolved into quiet sobs.

Kamal shushed him gently and tried to hold back his own tears. “It’s not your fault, Wallus,” he said. “It’s Andy’s fault for lying, and… and being such an asshole. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s okay.”

Cindy carefully patted Wallus’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Wallus,” she whispered. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

“As long as Andy didn’t tell his parents,” Taylor piped up. She was walking over from one of the walls that separated them from where the busses were. Kamal figured she must have been keeping watch. “That would be… really bad.”

Wallus sobbed louder, and Kamal kissed the top of his head. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay, Wallus. I’m sure he didn’t. And… and if he did, I bet my parents would let you stay with us.”

“Until they find out why he was kicked out,” Taylor said. Kamal glared at her, but she kept her determined expression. “We can’t sugar coat this. If the word gets out to either of your parents, you could be facing a whole lot of trouble.”

Wallus carefully put Kamal down and wiped away a few tears. “Taylor, aren’t your parents cool?” He asked.

“Yeah…” Taylor said. She bit her lip and looked away. “But… our empty room isn’t empty anymore.”

“What happened?” Kamal asked.

“I wasn’t as careful as you two,” Cindy whispered. “And Taylor’s parents are cool, but not cool enough to let us share a room.”

The four teens were silent for a long moment, before Kamal cautiously spoke up. “We just… we just have to hope for the best, I guess,” he mumbled. 

“There’s not much else we can do,” Taylor whispered.

The four teens split ways, waving to each other. Most people had cleared out of the schoolyard by then, so they didn’t have any problems. Kamal gripped the straps of his backpack tightly and stared at the pavement. He didn’t look at Wallus the whole time they walked to his apartment building. Wallus didn’t look at him either. He just mumbled a small, “goodbye,” before disappearing into his building. Kamal looked up at the third floor, and stared at it for a long moment. He could practically imagine Wallus walking into the door to his apartment, and his parents screaming at him to get out and never come back. Kamal stood there for a while, waiting for his crying boyfriend to rush out onto the street again, but it didn’t happen. So, Kamal walked the rest of the way home.

His mom fretted over his nose when he got home, and he told her that a kid hadn’t seen him and accidentally opened the door into him. It was only a half lie. He asked to go to his room after she was done looking it over, and she let him. He curled up on his bed and tried not to be terrified. His parents loved him, they did. They wouldn’t kick him out, not even if he was gay. He’d learned that word recently, gay. He liked it. It was a lot better than fag. It made his chest feel warm. Wallus made his chest warm. He didn’t think that was wrong. It couldn’t be wrong.

For the rest of the school year, Kamal peeked around corners in the hallway to avoid certain people. No one, except Wallus and the girls, was really nice to him, but most people ignored him or only glared at him. There were a select few that actually became violent. He got pretty good at avoiding them after the first month, when he’d had more beatings that he cared to count. Wallus avoided them as well. On the few occasions when they were in the same place when they’d pounce, Wallus protected Kamal. Kamal wished he wouldn’t. He knew that Wallus still felt like this was all his fault, but it really wasn’t. This wasn’t anyone’s fault but Andy’s.

But there wasn’t really much of anything they could do about it now. So Kamal avoided the beatings as best as he could, took them without complaint when he couldn’t, and silently begged that none of the phone calls his family got were from Wallus’s parents telling his parents everything.

Two weeks before the end of freshman year, something odd happened.

Kamal was used to getting notes in class. They were always hateful things filled with slurs and threats. He still looked at every one. He didn’t want one of them to be a very serious threat that he could easily avoid since he knew about it in advance. So, when he was passed one in the middle of US History, he opened it up. It was written in cursive, so it took him a little while longer than normal to read it, but he managed.

_“You’re gay, right? I don’t wanna assume, but everyone says you are and you hang out with that tall guy a lot. Will you come meet me behind the school at the end of the day? I promise I’m not going to do anything bad. You can bring whoever you want too, if that helps you feel safe.”_

There was no signature, and no one was looking at Kamal when he looked around. He tucked the note into his pocket and didn’t bring it back out until lunch when he was with the others. “Do you think we should do it?” He asked after they’d all read the note.

“I don’t know…” Cindy said quietly. “I mean… it could have been anyone in that class. And, isn’t the football guy in your class?”

“Yeah, he is,” Kamal said. “So… we shouldn’t do it.”

“I think we should,” Taylor said. “I’m sick and tired of watching you two get pushed around, and I know it’s only a matter of time before Cindy and I are on their list too.”

“Yeah, but if it is football jerk, he’s going to bring reinforcements,” Cindy reasoned. “You’re strong, Tay, but not that strong.”

“Wallus,” Kamal said quietly, “what do you think?”

Wallus blinked and looked up from the banana he’d been staring at. “Huh?” He said. 

“The note, genius,” Taylor said.

“Oh… oh! Um… I think it’s worth going,” Wallus said. “I mean… what’s the worst that could happen?”

The four of them stayed quiet for a moment after that, trying not to think about what the worst really could be. “If you two are going, I’m going too,” Cindy finally said.

“Me too,” Kamal added.

Kamal sat through the rest of his classes, but he was too anxious to focus on any of them. He kept thinking about what they might find at the back of the school when they went at the end of the day. Kamal was practically shaking by the time that the four of them were standing in front of the back door. No one said anything, they just looked to each other before Wallus opened the door. Kamal flinched, ready for something to hit him, but nothing happened. He opened his eyes and saw a small boy sitting on the ground with a book in his hands. He turned around when he heard the door open, and his eyes lit up.

“You actually came!” He said. “I… wow, I wasn’t expecting that!”

“Who’re you?” Taylor asked. 

The boy carefully stumbled to his feet and gave the four of them the best smile he could. “My name’s Parsley!” He said. Kamal held in laughter, and elbowed Wallus in the ribs when he didn’t. “I, uh… I’m new here. My family moved into town recently. And…” He gulped and looked down at the ground again. “I think I might be gay…” Kamal almost jumped. He hadn’t been expecting that. He glanced at the others, and they all looked just as shocked. When none of them said anything, Parsley seemed to take it as an invitation to say more. “I mean… I kinda know I’m gay. See, um, there was this guy back home, and… I kinda kissed his cheek before we left, and… and I really liked it, but I didn’t stick around for him to get mad, and-”

“What do you wanna do about it?” Kamal asked. He didn’t even realize he was saying anything until the words were out of his mouth. Parsley looked sort of hurt, so Kamal tried to clarify. “I mean… why did you want to talk to us about it?”

“W-well,” Parsley mumbled, “you guys are… you’re like me, y’know? And… and I realize that just cuz we’re all gay doesn’t mean we’re all alike or anything, but… I just wanted some friends who understood, I guess.”

“Well… what do you like?” Taylor asked. Parsley looked confused for a moment. “If we’re going to be friends, I wanna know what kind of stuff you like. Or hobbies or something.”

Parsley’s face lit up. “Oh! Well, I really like law! There’s so many cool loopholes and stuff, and I want to try and find ways to close them… and stuff!”

Parsley sat back on the grass and began to ramble about law, and then cooking. Kamal sat beside him, and his other friends seemed to take his lead. Parsley seemed to get embarrassed about how much he spoke after a while, so he asked the rest of them about their interests. Cindy shared about her interest in sewing, while Taylor talked about woodworking. They overlapped each other sometimes, and talked about a project they were working on together. Wallus talked about music, especially Queen. Kamal remembered listening to some of their music with him, and it made his chest warm.

“What about you, Kamal?” Parsley asked.

Kamal suddenly felt warm in a bad way. He’d been so busy focusing on what the others were saying that he hadn’t thought about anything he was comfortable sharing. “Um…” he thought for a few moments, before something came to mind. “You… you know those model airplanes that you build? I like those a lot. I know that’s not super interesting or anything, but… I like it.”

“He’s really good at it too!” Wallus said. He grinned at Kamal and Kamal gave him a small smile back. “You guys should see them, they’re all over his room! I got him one for his birthday last year, he put it together in two days, it was amazing.”

“Your eyes have hearts in theeeeem,” Taylor teased. Wallus blushed, but he didn’t say anything to defend himself. They could all see that Taylor was right.

Kamal had a spring in his step as he and Wallus walked home. The five of them had agreed to meet up again on Wednesday and Friday, forming a sort of club all their own, and he couldn’t have been more excited. As he walked, though, he noticed that Wallus didn’t look as happy. “Wallus?” He asked gently. “Is… is everything okay?”

“Huh?” Wallus asked. He looked like he was snapping out of a daze. “Oh, uh, yeah. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Kamal asked.

“I said everything’s fine, okay? Will you drop it?” Wallus snapped.

Kamal bit his lip and looked away. Wallus had never snapped at him like that. Even when he was upset or angry, he did his best to stay level headed and calm. And Kamal couldn’t remember the last time that Wallus had been angry at him. If there even was a time. He lost all the spring in his step and stared at the concrete as they walked. They stopped in front of Wallus’s building, and Kamal turned to look at him. “Um… bye…” he mumbled.

Wallus looked at him for a long moment, before squeezing his shoulder and giving him a small smile. “Bye, ‘Mal. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. It wasn’t much, but it did make Kamal feel a little better.

For the next two weeks, the five of them all met up outside the school on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. They came up with the excuse that they were all in the chess club, something that was relatively believable for all of them. Well… maybe not Taylor. But her parents were cool, so it was alright. They talked about their interests and about themselves and about each other. It felt nice, Kamal thought, to have a place where he really felt he belonged.

* * *

Summer break wasn’t much fun that year. Kamal barely saw Wallus, and he wasn’t sure why. When they did meet up, Wallus just looked sad and didn’t seem to look at anything, especially not Kamal. He just looked off in the distance. He didn’t hold Kamal anymore, not even his hand. They hadn’t kissed since the last time they club had had a meeting, and even then it had just been a quick kiss on the cheek. Kamal tried to talk to Wallus, tried to say anything that would get a response from him, but got nothing more than a quiet, “Mhm,” or “I’m sorry,”. Kamal felt like he was going to cry. If Wallus was going to be like this, Kamal almost didn’t want to see him.

On the first day of sophomore year, Wallus didn’t wait for Kamal to walk to school together. When Kamal got to his building, Andy was sitting on the front steps. Almost like he was waiting for him. “He’s not here,” Andy said. “He already left.”

“Oh…” Kamal mumbled. “Well… I guess I’ll just see him at school.”

“Yeah,” Andy said, “I guess you will.” Something about his tone frightened Kamal.

When he got to school, he went out back to meet up with his friends. Wallus, Taylor, and Cindy were already there, and they were huddled in a circle, whispering to each other. Kamal couldn’t make out what they were saying, but when he got closer to try and listen, the three of them moved apart. Wallus quickly turned on his heel and went into the school. Taylor held back Kamal when he tried to follow him. “He doesn’t want to see you anymore,” she said.

Kamal felt his heart break.

The next week and a half was awkward. Cindy and Taylor sat with Kamal, but they refused to talk about anything Wallus related. Wallus seemed to sit on his own a lot. Well… mostly on his own. He sometimes sat with another kid in their class. Kamal thought his name was Leigh. Not a lot of people paid attention to him. He was a quiet kid who had a slight limp and did nothing interesting except play violin. Kamal had heard that he got the limp from a dog attack, but he wasn’t sure. There were a lot of rumors in his school. Way too many.

Kamal sulked his way through the meetings of their little club. It seemed that even Parsley knew what happened with Wallus, but he refused to talk about it too. The club wasn’t the same without him. Except, on a Wednesday, about a half hour late, Wallus and the other kid came to the club again. 

“Um… hey everyone,” Wallus mumbled. Kamal stared at him with wide eyes. He was waiting for Wallus to introduce his new boyfriend, and it was killing him. “This is Leigh. He’s… he’s my friend.”

“Hey!” Leigh said, waving excitedly. Taylor looked about ready to say something, and she looked furious, but Leigh spoke again before she could, this time addressing Kamal. “You’re Kamal, right? Wallus has told me so much about you!”

“Oh, has he?” Kamal said, trying, and failing, to not sound bitter.

“Yeah!” Leigh said. He glanced at Wallus, who nodded. “He told me that he’s sorry that he stopped talking to you, and that he didn’t want to. He said there’s stuff going on at home that’s really upsetting him, and he thought that if he didn’t talk to you anymore, then it would get better. He said that it wasn’t worth it though, that he missed you too much.”

Kamal turned his gaze to Wallus, who was looking at the ground. He looked about ready to cry. Kamal bit his lip, but nodded. “Tell… tell Wallus that I’m upset, but I missed him too much to be angry. And that he can sit next to me, if he wants.”

Leigh didn’t get a chance to say anything, before Wallus was beside Kamal and hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just keep messing up, I’m so sorry.”

Kamal didn’t say anything, he just held Wallus tightly.

They all learned a lot about Leigh that day. He did like violin, but he was also really good at it. He had his own that he’d bought with almost four years worth of allowance. He’d been teaching Wallus, but, apparently, Wallus wasn’t very good. That made Kamal giggle. Leigh had a husky named Stella, and she was the sweetest dog the world had ever seen (according to Leigh). Kamal felt a little better about Wallus hanging out with this guy now, although he was still upset.

When he and Wallus walked home together, he brought it up. “I don’t want to sound mean or anything, but… could you have at least told me why you weren’t talking to me?” He asked.

Wallus sighed quietly. “I would’ve, but it just would’ve gotten worse.”

“What made you finally change your mind?” Kamal asked.

Wallus looked at him for a long moment, before he stopped walking. “I love you,” he said, very quietly. It wasn’t technically the first time he’d said it. On the night when they first kissed, he’d said that he loved Kamal, that he loved him in a certain way. But he’d never said the words, not like that. It made Kamal stop as well. He needed to process for a moment. 

Did Kamal love Wallus? He was sure he did, at least somewhat. He had been best friends with Wallus since they were very young, he had to love him at least a little. But when he thought about the way Wallus made him laugh, or the way that he felt warm whenever Wallus held his hand, or how he would get dizzy when Wallus called him nicknames, or how much he craved to even be in Wallus’s presence, or how much he wanted to kiss him at that moment… he knew. He knew he loved Wallus.

And he was terrified.

* * *

As sophomore year went on, things actually began to look up for the small group. Wallus joined the basketball team, and somehow won back the good graces of their peers. Probably because he won them every game. He was really good. Kamal couldn’t exactly run up and kiss him while he was still on the court, but they could sneak behind the bleachers while people were filing out and share a few kisses. Because Wallus became somewhat popular again, the rest of them weren’t picked on. Sure, Wallus wasn’t the hero of the school or anything, but he was liked enough that people left him, and anyone he would protect, alone. Parsley and Leigh became more permanent parts of the group, and with them came some funny stories.

“I had a crush on Wallus back in seventh grade,” Leigh said one day while they were behind the school.

Wallus’s face flushed and his mouth dropped open. “You did?” He asked, clearly bewildered.

Leigh laughed. “I did!” He said.

Parsley, Taylor, and Cindy were all giggling quietly, and Kamal couldn’t help joining in. He felt a small twinge of jealousy, but it disappeared when he saw how astonished Wallus looked. It was obvious he hadn’t known, so Kamal had nothing to worry about. “Was it his ripped courteous that he wore to school picture day?” Kamal asked, pretending to swoon.

“You will never let me live that down, will you?” Wallus groaned.

Leigh laughed. “No, no, it was definitely the time he accidentally threw jelly on the cafeteria wall,” he said.

“You did what?” Parsley asked, while Taylor and Cindy leaned against each other so they wouldn’t collapse from how hard they were laughing.

“I didn’t mean to!” Wallus said. “I scooped it off my sandwich with a spoon, and it moved like a catapult without me trying to!”

“He likes jelly, by the way,” Kamal said. “He likes it so much that he scraped it off to eat it on it’s own.” Parsley fell back against the grass, laughing.

“Only grape!” Wallus said, as if that would somehow make it better.

* * *

Wallus was clearly doing better. He held Kamal’s hand again, and he kissed his cheek, and he even kissed him on the lips when they were positive they were alone. He was doing better, but he wasn’t doing perfect. Kamal would sometimes find him in a bathroom at school, crying in a stall. Or he’d get a far off look when Kamal asked him to come over, only to snap back to the moment very suddenly and give several excuses why he couldn’t. Kamal wasn’t an idiot, he liked to think he was rather smart. He knew that something was going on in Wallus’s home. And he also knew that Taylor knew. The two of them had math together, and sat beside each other, so it was easy to pass notes back and forth.

_“What’s going on with Wallus?”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Yes you do. He’s been upset lately. It’s something at home. You totally know too, you keep giving him hugs at random times, and I’ve seen you two whisper to each other.”_

_“Are you mad because he won’t tell you?”_

_“Not really. I know you’re his best friend, after me. I just wish I knew what was going on.”_

_“Meet me at my locker after class.”_

Kamal raced out of class and went straight to Taylor’s locker. He was there before her, and spoke before she could when she did arrive. “What’s going on with Wallus?” He asked.

“Can a gal get her books first?” Taylor asked.

“If she tells me while she does it,” Kamal said, stepping away from her locker.

Taylor sighed, but nodded. “It’s Andy,” she said. “When is it not Andy, honestly. He’s been threatening to tell their parents that Wallus is gay if he doesn’t do what Andy wants him to do.”

“Like what?” Kamal asked quietly.

“It’s different every time,” Taylor said. “Sometimes it’s just chores, sometimes he wants Wallus to get cigarettes for him, sometimes he makes Wallus pick the lock to their parents' wine cabinet. Which is especially dumb since Andy’s old enough to buy his own booze.”

Kamal was quiet for a moment. He felt an idea coming on. An idea that could be really dangerous, but could have a big reward. “Taylor,” he said, “how good are you at impressions?”

* * *

A month later, Wallus walked into school with a spring in his step and a huge smile on his face. Kamal grinned at Taylor when he walked in after Wallus, and she gave him a thumbs up behind Wallus’s back. He talked animatedly about how his dad might be taking him to a concert soon. By the time that he had rushed off to his first class, Parsley, Cindy, and Leigh were staring at Taylor and Kamal, who had been grinning like cheshire cats the whole time.

“What did you guys do?” Cindy asked.

“We removed the problem,” Taylor said.

“What does that mean?” Parsley asked.

“You know how the army’s been putting ads all over the walls on every other building?” Kamal asked. The three teens who were in the dark nodded. “All it takes to get rid of an awful older brother is a payphone, an impression of a general, and reading off a pamphlet that has the benefits of a young man joining the army. Apparently, parents who are tired of their twenty-five year old living at home eat it up!”

Taylor grinned at Kamal while the other three gawked.

Wallus seemed to have completely snapped out of his sour mood, and was more open and affectionate than ever. He bumped shoulders with Kamal in the hallway, he held his hand during the club meetings, and he even started coming over on Fridays again. Plus he and Kamal made out for the first time. That was nice. That was really nice. Wallus seemed to be back to his old self, the school was mostly leaving them all alone, everything seemed to be perfect. It was a little… too perfect.

* * *

Junior year brought misfortune for Parsley.

“My parents are getting divorced,” he mumbled at one of their meetings. Cindy gently put a hand on his knee. “I don’t know why. I mean… they fought sometimes, but I didn’t think…” He sniffed quietly.

“I’m sorry, Parsley,” Kamal said quietly. “Is there anything we can do?” 

“I don’t know…” Parsley mumbled. “I just… I just want a hug.”

The rest of them were happy to oblige.

They began to go over to Parsley’s house every now and then. Parsley’s mom wasn’t around much, apparently she was staying at her sister’s house while all this worked out. So they met Parsley’s dad. And Kamal was sure that he’d met his first gay adult. That was probably why they got divorced. Jimothan (he refused to be called Mr. Botch) was kind, but rough around the edges. He always ruffled Parsley’s hair, and asked him about “the ladies”. He asked Kamal and Wallus too, and Cindy and Taylor giggled every time. They escaped questioning because “it’s rude to ask a lady if she’s single”. 

Definitely gay.

“Jimothan?” Kamal asked one day, while they were helping him move some boxes around.

“Yeah, kid?” Jimothan replied. 

“Um… why’d you divorce Parsley’s mom?” Kamal asked. He could at least get some confirmation.

Jimothan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well… sometimes you fall out of love, kid,” he said. “Parsley's mom and I had been together since we were little things. I think… fourteen? She was the first woman I ever dated, despite the fact they were all over me.” He chuckled, but he seemed to get sad a moment later. “I think… I think if you spend that much of your life with someone, you just… you fall out of touch with each other. Your feelings fade, and… and the flame dies. I still love Parsley’s mom, don’t get me wrong, just… it ain’t what it used to be. And what it is now just ain’t worth it.”

Kamal nodded, his throat suddenly feeling dry. He looked from where he was standing on the porch out to Wallus on the sidewalk. He was talking to Leigh and Parsley, who were sitting in the grass. How long had he and Wallus been together? They started dating when they were twelve… they were sixteen now, and Wallus would be seventeen in only a month. That was already four years, almost five. How much longer would they last? How much longer did they have?

Kamal tried not to think about it. He tried to be there for Parsley while the custody battle went on. He tried to spend more time with Cindy and Taylor, even going to Taylor’s house every now and then. He met Stella, and hung out with Leigh. He laid in bed with Wallus and cuddled on the Fridays when he would come over. He tried not to think about it. He tried so hard.

He couldn’t stop.

On the last day of junior year, he couldn’t stay quiet anymore.

The club had just dispersed for the year, giving each other big hugs and going their separate ways. Wallus and Kamal hadn’t left yet, Wallus was fiddling with something in his backpack. “Wallus?” Kamal asked very quietly. Wallus hummed instead of answering. “Do… do you think we’ll be together forever?”

Wallus looked up at Kamal suddenly. “What makes you say that?” He asked.

“I… I don’t know…” Kamal mumbled. “I just… Parsley’s parents got divorced and… and I guess I’ve been thinking about what would happen if something like that happened to us. Not divorce, obviously, but… the whole breaking up thing.”

Wallus was quiet for a moment, before he stood up and walked over to take Kamal’s hand. “‘Mal,” he said quietly, “I don’t know if we’ll be together forever. I think it’s impossible for anyone to know. I mean… forever is a really long time. And I know if there’s anyone I want to spend it with, it’s you. But… but things change. Especially in the next few years, things are going to change a lot for us. You’re going to that medical college, right?” Kamal nodded and squeezed Wallus’s hand. “Kamal… I don’t know what’s going to happen to us. I just don’t. But I do know that, even if it stops, what we have is special. What we have is important to me, and I know it is to you too. Even if I go to college out of state and we never see each other again, I won’t ever forget you. I won’t forget that you were my first kiss, and my first boyfriend, and my first… my first everything! Except… well, you know…” Both of them blushed and looked away from each other. A moment later, though, Kamal felt a hand against his cheek and it slowly guided him to face Wallus again. “I love you Kamal. I love you so much. I don’t think that will ever change. And even if it does, I won’t forget it.”

Kamal sobbed quietly and pressed his face into Wallus’s chest. “I love you too,” he choked between sobs. “I love you so much.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Wallus whispered as he stroked Kamal’s hair. “I know.”

* * *

Senior year was hard for them all. Not for any personal reasons, just in the way that senior year is hard for everyone. Everyone getting ready for college, everyone trying to figure out where to go, everyone sleeping through their first class of the day and scrambling to catch up, that sort of thing. Kamal and Parsley in particular doubled down on their work. Medical and law school were hard to get into. The club didn’t meet as often as it used to. It was pushed back to Monday and Friday, and then just Friday, and often they’d be missing one member or another. They were too busy looking over notes and studying for tests during lunch to talk. Everything was work, all the time.

Until Leigh had had enough.

“Your birthday’s this Saturday, right Wallus?” He asked in the middle of lunch.

Wallus blinked and looked up from his math notes. “Oh… it is,” he said. “I hadn’t even noticed.”

“We should do something!” Leigh said.

“Like what?” Taylor asked.

“Let the birthday boy pick,” Parsley said.

“Well… you can’t beat the movies,” Wallus said.

“Is that your plan whenever you want to go anywhere?” Cindy teased.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Kamal said. “After all, that one movie about high school came out recently.”

“Carrie?” Taylor asked. “Isn’t that a horror movie?” Kamal shrugged. “I mean… she’s covered in blood in all the posters.”

“I’ve never seen a horror movie before,” Cindy said. “I guess I want my first one to be with you guys. I know you’ll back me up if I get too scared.”

“I won’t,” Parsley said. “I’ll run from the theater. Crying, if I have to.” They all laughed, including Parsley, and quickly made plans.

That Saturday, Kamal wore something that was slightly reminiscent of his first real date, way back in sixth grade, with Cindy. He even styled his hair the same way. His father didn’t seem to notice, but his mother did, and she grinned at him. She asked if Cindy was going, and when he said yes, she grinned even bigger. Kamal knew that she had the wrong idea, but he didn’t want to say anything. He liked to see his mom happy. 

When Wallus pulled up in his car, Cindy and Taylor in the backseat, Kamal raced down the stairs of his building and quickly hopped in. “The Quartet! Back in action!” He said, grinning at them all.

“You’re such a dork!” Cindy teased. They all laughed as Wallus started towards the movie theater.

“We’re meeting Parsley and Leigh there,” he said, even though everyone knew. “And I think we’re all paying for our own tickets, yeah?”

“My parents made sure that Cindy and I were set,” Taylor said from the backseat.

Kamal patted his pocket, but came up empty. “Shit!” He said. “I left the money my parents gave me at home!”

“It’s alright, ‘Mal, I’ve got you!” Wallus said. “I told my parents that this was a date with Taylor, so they gave me enough money for two tickets. Even though I told them that she really doesn’t need me to pay for everything.”

“Stupid traditional parents,” Taylor grumbled. “Who needs ‘em!”

“Well, in this case, it worked out. So, apparently, us,” Cindy said.

They parked in front of the movie theater a few minutes later, and met Parsley and Leigh already waiting outside. The six of them filed into the theater and quickly paid for tickets and food. Kamal still felt the magic of the theater getting dark, especially because as soon as the lights were out, Wallus took his hand. Which, it turned out, he’d need. Taylor had been right, this was a horror movie. And, like Cindy, this was Kamal’s first one. He felt like he was the one covered in blood and burning by the end of it. When the lights came back on, several of them looked very shaken.

“So… we’re never seeing something like that again…” Leigh said as they left the theater. 

“Definitely not,” Taylor said.

“I don’t know, I kinda liked it!” Cindy said. The rest of them stared at her. “I just… I felt a connection to Carrie, I guess. She feels a lot like me.”

“True…” Wallus said. “A social outcast. Publicly shamed for something that’s completely natural.”

“Gets in trouble with her mom,” Cindy mumbled.

“Yeah…” Kamal murmured. “Definitely familiar.”

The six of them left the theater in a lower mood, but Parsley tripped on the way out the door, and that got them laughing again. He wasn’t hurt, but he did act more offended than he was, just to make them all laugh more. Wallus, Kamal, Cindy, and Taylor waved to the other two as they hopped in Wallus’s car. “So!” He said. “Anywhere you guys want to go? I know the movie was a lot, but we could go to a diner to relax, if you want.”

“Yeah, that sounds fun!” Cindy said.

“A well lit diner,” Taylor added.

Wallus chuckled. “Coming right up!” He said.

Kamal couldn’t help staring at Wallus while he drove. The windows were down, so his hair was flying all over the place. He hadn’t cut it in a while, it was getting long. He turned the radio on at some point, and he was singing along loudly. Kamal could faintly hear Cindy and Taylor’s voices in the background, but he was mostly focused on Wallus’s voice. It was smooth and deep, much better than the croakiness that it had a few years ago (something Kamal had yet to grow out of). His eyes shined, and when he turned, for just a moment, to grin at Kamal, his whole face lit up. It took everything Kamal had to not grab his face and kiss him senseless. Instead, he laughed and sang along to the radio as well.

When they got to the diner, only two of them ordered milkshakes. Wallus got a chocolate, and Cindy got a strawberry. The waiter must have thought they were on a double date, because both milkshakes came out with two straws. Cindy glanced at Kamal across the table and grinned. “You think you can handle this better than a kiss?” She teased.

“Cindy, I don’t even want any!” Kamal said, laughing.

“Taylor’s lactose intolerant, so I just get to drink mine faster!” Wallus said, grabbing both straws and shoving them in his mouth. A moment later, the other three were laughing at him as he choked on milkshake.

The food was good, even if Kamal knew he owed Taylor a lot of money now. Her parents seemed to have planned ahead for this. It occurred to Kamal that he really should have a job now. He was going to be eighteen in only two months, and he’d be finished with high school in less than half a year. In fact, he’d already sent his letter to his college of choice. Now he was just waiting for an acceptance letter. He and Wallus hadn’t talked about it yet. He’d worry about that later, because right now they were dropping Cindy and Taylor off at Taylor’s house.

“Have a good night, girls!” Kamal called to them, waving.

“Don’t get too rowdy!” Wallus called. Taylor flipped him off, and both boys laughed. They began the short drive back to Kamal’s building. They were driving in silence for a few moments, before Wallus reached over to rest a hand on Kamal’s thigh. “Hey… ‘Mal?”

“Y-yeah?” Kamal stuttered. He couldn’t help getting excited with Wallus’s hand on his thigh.

“I’ve been thinking…” Wallus said. “I’m going to give my college fund to you.”

“What?!?” Kamal shouted. “Wallus, are you serious? You can’t do that! You’re throwing away such an opportunity!”

“I can get a job pretty well with just a high school diploma,” Wallus said. “You… Kamal, you’re going places. You’re gonna become a dentist, right? That’s what you wanted to do?” Kamal nodded. “That takes a lot of money, Kamal. And… and I don’t need it. I’m just going to end up stuck here, in New York, doing something frivolous. And… and maybe cleaning teeth isn’t really all that special either, but it’s something, y’know?” Wallus sighed. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I guess I just want to see you succeed. More than me, at least.”

“We’ll succeed together,” Kamal said. “I won’t take your money, and you won’t take mine. We’ll share it. We’ll… we’ll both go to college somewhere nearby. My second choice is here in New York, and they’re less expensive. We can put you through college too, whatever you want to do. We’ll get jobs, and an apartment so we don’t have to pay for dorms, and…” Kamal swallowed. “We’ll spend our lives together, Wallus. You and me. Nothing else matters.”

“You almost sound like you’re proposing,” Wallus mumbled.

“Well… maybe in a few years,” Kamal replied quietly. “I have to get you a ring first.”

Wallus squeezed Kamal’s thigh. “I’d like that,” he whispered. “I’d really like that.”

They pulled up in front of Kamal’s building a few minutes later. “Happy birthday, Wallus,” Kamal whispered quietly. Wallus smiled and hummed. “I guess this means I owe you eighteen kisses, huh?”

“I guess it does,” Wallus whispered. Kamal carefully leaned over the console and gently pressed his lips against Wallus’s. They kissed, slowly, tenderly. Soon, they were making out, both of them making soft sighs and moans against each other's lips. Wallus pulled away, both of them breathing heavily as he did so. “Does that only count as one?” He asked, teasingly.

“I think so,” Kamal replied. “You’ll have to kiss me again to find out.”

“Gladly,” Wallus whispered. He grabbed Kamal’s face forcefully and crushed their lips together. Kamal squeaked quietly, but quickly settled into the rhythm. He was just about to unbutton the first couple of buttons on Wallus’s shirt, when there was a sharp tapping on his window.

Kamal turned around, horrified, to find his father right outside the car.

“Dad!” He yelped. His dad opened the car door quickly and pulled him out. “Wait, Dad, I can explain!”

“What is there to explain?!?” His father shouted in his face. “You would do that with another man? You’re disgusting!”

“Dad, I promise, I didn’t do anything wrong!” Kamal yelped. His father spit in his face, and he felt tears begin to stream down his cheeks. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Dad, please!”

“Wait until your mother hears about this!” His father shouted. “She’ll be devastated! How could you do that to us?” 

Kamal sobbed as his father grabbed his arm tightly and began to drag him towards their building. However, Wallus quickly grabbed him around the waist and pulled him out of his father’s grasp. “Mr. Bora, please, let me explain,” Wallus said, trying to remain calm.

“No!” Kamal’s dad yelled. “You’re a sick freak! Both of you are!”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, Dad, honest!” Kamal shouted. “I just love him! That’s not wrong!”

“Both of you leave before I call the cops!” Kamal’s dad yelled.

The three of them stared each other down in the middle of the street, before Wallus carefully set Kamal down. “C’mon, ‘Mal,” he whispered. “We’ve gotta go.”

“But-”

“No, we’ve gotta go now,” Wallus said. He gently shoved Kamal towards the passenger seat, and Kamal climbed in again.

Kamal put his face in his hands so he wouldn’t have to look at his father, and so his father wouldn’t see his tears. He heard Wallus’s door close, and the car started up. He wasn’t sure where they were going. His parents would call Wallus’s parents, so they couldn’t possibly be going there. He didn’t hear Wallus crying, he just heard his steady breathing as they drove wherever they were going. It calmed him, if only a little. 

When they stopped, it was in front of Taylor’s house. “C’mon, ‘Mal,” Wallus whispered. “They’ll let us stay. Taylor’s parents are cool, remember?” Kamal nodded and sobbed into his hands. Wallus kissed the top of his head, before getting out of the car. When Kamal didn’t follow, he opened the passenger side door and lifted Kamal out of the seat. “You’re getting big for this,” he whispered, trying to be lighthearted. Kamal just grabbed onto his shoulders tightly and cried into his chest. Wallus shushed him comfortingly as they went up to the door of Taylor’s house.

Kamal didn’t know a lot of what happened that evening. There were a lot of frantic voices, and a lot of tears, and the next thing he knew for certain was that he was lying in a soft bed with Wallus wrapped around him. He began to stroke Wallus’s hair as Wallus began to shake. “It’s okay, Wallus,” Kamal whispered. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Wallus whispered back. “It’s not…”

Kamal didn’t say anything.

* * *

Kamal and Wallus finished out the school year as best as they could. Taylor and Cindy did their best to help. Cindy offered advice on how to get things that were theirs without their parents catching on. Kamal didn’t want to think about how she learned them. Kamal got his acceptance letter from his second choice. He didn’t even bother looking for the letter to his first choice. Wallus managed to get some clothes, but nothing else. The best Kamal got, aside from his letter, was one of Wallus’s old sweaters that he’d had. And he only got that because he dug for it in the trash outside his building.

The worrying part was getting the money for college.

Kamal felt like the worst person in the world when Taylor handed over her college fund. “I’m gonna make a big difference,” she said, “and all you need for that is heart. Education doesn’t matter, not for me. You just go and learn how to clean teeth properly, okay?” He took it. He didn’t have much of a choice, because she wouldn’t give up.

They graduated. It passed in a blur to Kamal. The last day of school came around. That felt very real. “I’m going to miss you guys so much,” Kamal murmured as the six teens who formed the unofficial Gay Club stood in a circle behind the school, all holding hands. “We… we should do something. Since… since this is our last day and all.”

“I think… I think we should say how much we’ve helped each other,” Parsley said. “Because… because you guys have really helped me.”

“You start then,” Taylor said.

Parsley took a deep breath, bowed his head, and closed his eyes. Kamal almost expected him to start praying. “When I moved here, I was lost and confused,” Parsley began. “I didn’t know who I was, or who I wanted to be. I knew that who I thought I was wasn’t going to be accepted. Kamal and Wallus had been singled out so badly, and it hurt. It hurt to see. But… but at the same time, I knew who to reach out to. I didn’t expect the note I passed in that history class to ever become… all this. In a way, I feel like I’ve brought us all together. And… and that’s the best feeling in the world.” He sniffed and looked back up. “Um… Leigh? Your turn?”

Leigh chuckled. He already looked misty eyed. He bowed his head and closed his eyes as well. “I have never experienced kindness like yours. All of you. My family is supportive, they are to the ends of the earth, but I never had anyone my age treat me with this respect and this amount of love. I feel like you guys were a home to me. I’m going to get homesick a lot over the next few years, so… send me a letter if you can, okay? I’ll be waiting.”

Leigh squeezed Taylor’s hand, and she took that as her chance to talk. “Leigh, Parsley, I love you two to death, but this is, frankly, mostly gonna be about the other three.” They all chuckled quietly. “Kamal, I used to hate your guts.” Taylor laughed. “You were dating the one girl I had a crush on, and you were hurting one of my best friend’s feelings. I thought you were the scum of the earth, which was a real selfish thing to think. But… when I got to know you, even before we all figured out where we belonged, I grew to love you. You’re like an annoying younger brother. I love you to death, but sometimes I wanna smack you.” Kamal chuckled. “Wallus… buddy. You were a really bad kisser.” Wallus laughed. “And… Cindy. You’re the best girlfriend in the world. I don’t know what I’d do, or where I’d be without you. You’re the light of my life, and I hope you know that I intend to marry you one day. You and I are gonna be big one day. I don’t know what for yet, but we’re gonna be big.”

Cindy giggled, before growing serious as she began to speak. “Parsley, you taught me something very valuable,” she said. “You taught me that, even if I feel like my parents no longer want me, or that they don’t love me anymore, that I can keep moving forward.” Kamal couldn’t help being surprised. Maybe Cindy and Parsley were closer than he thought. “Leigh… you’re so kind. I hope that I can be as kind as you are one day, and I hope that nothing ever snuffs out that kindness.” She sniffed quietly, and when she spoke again, her voice wavered. “Wallus, you were a wonderful friend to me. I know we had our problems, quite a lot of them, honestly. But you were never mean, and you never yelled. You were just kind and kept to yourself. Taylor… you know how I feel about you. We all know how I feel about you.” Everyone laughed, but they got quiet again, especially when they realized that Cindy was crying in earnest. “Kamal, this feels like the dumbest thing to say, but I still love you. I never stopped loving you. It just evolved. You are my dearest friend, even if we haven’t spent as much time together lately. You opened my eyes in so many ways, to so many things, and I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I love you very much.”

Cindy squeezed Wallus’s hand, but he didn’t bow his head. Instead, he looked over the rest of them. “Without all of you, I would be dead,” he said. “I tried to kill myself once in grade school. I came out of that slump because of you. I was in danger while Andy still lived with my parents and I, and you guys saved me from that.” He chuckled. “Great work, Taylor, Kamal. Cindy told me all about it.” He looked them both in the eyes, before taking a deep breath. “You all saved my life. Having people like you saved my life. I hope I continue to have that. I hope you all do too.”

He squeezed Kamal’s hand, and Kamal suddenly realized he had nothing to say. He didn’t know how he was going to convey all that he felt for all of them into an acceptable amount of words. How could he tell Leigh that he was one of the funniest people he knew? How could he tell Parsley that he admired him more than anyone in the world? How could he tell Taylor that he thought she was the bravest person he’d ever met? How could he tell Cindy that he was so sorry, but so proud of her? How on earth would he ever be able to tell Wallus everything he felt for him?

All he could manage to choke out between his tears, between all of their tears was three simple words.

“I love you.”


End file.
